“Jasper! Jasper!” I came as the young girl called out to me. Her name was Lilly. She was nine years old, though she looked and acted as if she were five.I couldn’t help but smile when she called out for me at night, fearing the monsters from under the bed. She needed me. But then again, I needed her. I needed someone to protect, someone to love.
Her parents had left me to watch her, as they did many nights. Over the months Lilly and I had developed a sort of bond, almost like we were friends. I knew this might be the last time I saw her. I was leaving for London soon, leaving for a place my mom called home. But I couldn’t tell Lilly. She would be crushed.
I felt a tear come to my eye, bet I quickly wiped it away and put a fake smile on my face. I didn’t dare let her see me upset.
“Lilly,” I smiled warmly at her “, are those monsters trying to scare you again?” She shook her head. “Well then, what is wrong, dearest?”
“Jasper, can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Do you want to be my best friend?” she stared down at her doll, fiddling around with its arms.
“I… that would be wonderful,” I noticed a tear rolling down her face. “Lilly,” I touched her cheek, wishing I could see her happy, one last time. “Lilly, look at me. All you need to do is remember that no matter what, I will always love you.” I looked into her eyes and smiled, though fighting back my own tears.
This is just a prologue, so tll me if you think I should continue.
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5 comments:
This is something I wrote a long time ago and I wanted to see if I could get back into it, so tell me what you think.
Put an extra space inbetween the speaking and where you end the statement (ie:“Jasper! Jasper!” I came as the young girl called out to me. Her name was Lilly. She was nine years old, though she looked and acted as if she were five.
EXTRA SPACE
I couldn’t help but smile when she called out for me at night, fearing the monsters from under the bed.
and
“Lilly,” I smiled warmly at her “, are those monsters trying to scare you again?” She shook her head. “Well then, what is wrong, dearest?”
EXTRA SPACE
“Jasper, can I ask you a question?”)
That's it.
yay!!! you have a blog thing!!!!! yay!!! you need to write stuff cuz you are "soooooo awesome!" haha!!!! I love you. Thanx for the critique! I love you lots!!! \
~Em
I will eventually... I dunno.
No problem! It looks so much better now. ^_^
i really like this story and think u should write more, its cute
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